Thursday, February 12, 2009

Saturday, Feb 7, 09:

I'm trying to learn how to post these entries into the blog page and at the same time, bring in a brief update on what's been going on since November when I had an abnormal mammogram. The lumpectomy was on Dec. 19, 2008. The worst so far was learning about my breast cancer and then the confirmation of it after the lumpectomy on Dec 19, 2008. I've never experienced anything like the anxiety that hit me. Was I afraid of dying I’m sure, but more than that I was afraid of the impact on the lives around me. I didn’t want to let anyone down and complicate their life more, I didn’t want the financial tsunami that was sure to hit and I just didn’t want the incredible inconvenience. But as time passed and I got more information, the anxiety passed as my brother Terry assured me it would. As I learned more it gave me a feeling of doing something and the reactions from others were really wonderful and the outpouring of love was so humbling as well as the earnest offers to help in any way.

I like to get copies of my lab tests and when I got the copy of the Pathologist's report, I was uncomfortable about the vague nature of his wording which prompted me to go to UCLA for a second opinion. They concurred that the pathology report was NOT written like a pathology report should be. The tumor was not oriented as pathology reports should be, and there was a question about whether the margins were clear. The cancer was found in my right breast...initially a small spot, it's the margins we don't know about. It was diagnosed as HER 2 neu 3+ with Progesterone and Estrogen positive which means the new drug Herceptin can be used. It has been shown to be quite successful. It is just very very expensive. It's all quite overwhelming. Mornings are best for me to deal with business and try to discern my way through an avalanche of information. Hopefully things will get more focused as time goes on.

I'm due to go in for a 'port-a-cath' on Monday. I'm nervous about this and try and not think about what they say is just routine and generally a short procedure. I'm also nervous about the upcoming Chemo.

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