June 9, 09 more musings

To take a trip to the darker side without specific details, there has been a number of other problems that I've had to deal with. For one, I continue to have some neuropathy that I took medication for the soreness particularly in the hands so I couldn't bear to touch anything. The medication helped but I'm not sure it helped with the numbing. Still fingers and toes are numb. One evening, I looked at my feet and they looked like the feet of a corpse... they were gray and my big toes that had been red were turning blue, the nails looked discolored (one still is). I was freaked out. I had had a good day...done my moderate walk where I was out maybe 30 or 40 minutes for brisk walking and then I did weights later. But I put my thongs on and went out to walk around the block...short distance. When I got back my feet looked better with more circulation. And then I soaked them in a warm Epsom salt bath. My finger nails are discolored, my tear ducts have stopped ducting tears so my eyes water a lot and so it looks like I'm crying much of the time, my nose drips terribly sometimes. But I think it is getting a little better. The nurse told me to take 50 mg of B6 twice a day. So I just added that to my pile of pills. B6 is for the nerve damage that is happening. This is a hard road to be sure. I haven't even gone into the horrible constipation that comes after the chemo treatments.

My internist is pretty much against me doing much exercise and activity. She says I need to give my body time to heal and go through this. I have tried to find a happy middle ground where I can keep up some semblance of fitness and still do OK. I feel better anyway after a little exercise besides it helps me stay in a positive mood throughout this thing. I just don't try and do too much. It seems much of my life has been trying to find that elusive point of balance in life. I just thought that maybe when one is at that point of balance it would feel like hosts of angels dancing on the head of the pin.

I had a massage right after chemo this time and it sure felt good as it does always. My muscles really need to have the massage to help them through this ordeal. Fresh made vegie juice is always helpful. Must do that again real soon.